I never minded physical pain much growing up. As a kid a scraped knee was nothing, falling down was a normal thing. Now being an adult and almost being out of commission for days due to a fall is something entirely different. At 23 it's not normal to just fall down. Nor is it normal to feel your body parts fall apart from the inside out on a daily basis. But when living with fibromyalgia you feel it frequently. You hear a crack, oh that's just my bones deciding they hate me. It's pain people don't see but trust me I feel it. There's nothing like being wheeled out of a mall because you can no longer walk. I cannot begin to explain how embarrassing it is, especially when you're in a crowded place and it hits you. You're doing just fine and then out of nowhere you're hunched over crying out in pain. What are you supposed to tell people? "No I don't want your help, but I desperately need it." There's nothing like telling my bf's daughter I cannot lift her or play because I'm in to much pain. To watch that little girls face fall kills me inside. Or to have it weigh on me that I can't do normal things like other 23 year olds can. It eats away at me in so many ways. The pain is horrid. Taking a shower has even become a daunting task. Just yesterday I took a nice hot shower. The water felt amazing but once it was off I could tell it wasn't good. By the time I made it to my bedroom I felt dizzy and like the world was falling out from under me. I thought laying on my bed for a moment would help my body regain its composure. Sure enough I was wrong about that. I could have screamed out to the heavens with the pain that shot through my body. I was shaking from the inside out and my legs were stuck. If you've ever had a body part fall asleep, imagine that but times 100. I could feel the blood pumping and moving around in my legs. It was if something inside me was causing everything to rearrange itself. I closed my eyes for a moment and fell into the blackness. Thankfully I didn't stay out for more than a moment. The pain didn't subside so I stayed stuck laying on my bed begging my body to stop. Well I had to get up to help with groceries, and that was all my body needed to go on a rampage. Two flights of steps later I'm practically in tears, my body doesn't want to stand it just wants to disintegrate. So its easy to say hot showers trigger something that immobilizes me for probably an hour. Thank goodness I wasn't trying to go anywhere because I surely would have been late. My body hates me and it makes it perfectly clear. fibromyalgia isn't something people can see, but when it flares up I might as well be an walking advertisement for it. This is not my photo, credit goes to the Facebook group fibromyalgia warriors group.
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AuthorHey always remember that just because you can't see an illness doesn't make it any less real. Archives
April 2018
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